My Ramblings

My thoughts on paper:

Sometimes it can be a good idea to write down your thoughts, and i wonder as i write this if this is true, what makes it a good idea? do i publish this and gain a group of followers who call themselves the Mozanites or Mozanarians? Sadly, if i do start some sort of a cult people will mistake us for some kind of a pop band because:
a) If i ever gain any advocates I'm sure they'll turn up to be a sad few, primarily composed of mama's boys and single mothers.
b) We'll go around calling ourselves Moza and the Mozanites and wear tight-fitting leotards that have leopard prints on them.
The truth of the matter is i only started writing this because i felt like it and maybe a small part of me likes the idea of leading a cult (don't worry it'll never happen)
so... i forgot what the point of this whole paragraph was so i guess i'll just move on to a different topic.


Clumsy Me:

Today i had serious discussion with my elder sister about how clumsy i am, i've always been clumsy, dropping things "oops!" picking it up and dropping it again "Shit!" bending down to pick it up again. I've had many stumbles as a kid i remember looking down at my legs and they'd always be covered in scrapes and if there was ever a time were there were no scabs or scratches at all I'd think to myself "how weird is that!"
My sister tells me everybody's clumsy, i tell her quite forcefully that nobody is as clumsy of my why just earlier this week my shoulder bumped against the side of a doorway in university several times but i was always too embarrassed to address the matter and just kept on walking.
"Your just like me" she said " you can see it coming think "nows the time to turn" and bump into the wall anyways, you're slow to react"
"No" i denied it, turning to face her the same determined look on my face a sailor would get before regaling others with how he battled the Kraken "One time i was walking past a doorway i bumped my hand against it, and thats when i noticed my arm was sticking out at an angle, like this!" i must have looked foolish lying down next to her on my side with one arm stretched out at a 45 degree angle, eyes wide.
later our conversation topic turned to other topics that were just as stupid.


Paranoia:

If you ever lived in Dubai and had a overly-religious Syrian teacher teaching you you'd realize just how paranoid people can be.
"I once heard..." she told us with bias (which she shouldn't be because she's an Islamic teacher and should've been teaching us about love and open-mindedness) " ... that an Arabic boy opened a box of cereal exported from America and a snake came out of it and bit him! he had to be sent to the ICU" She paused for a while to let it sink in then started up again with certainty "They are doing this on purpose just to spite Muslim countries"
I remember thinking how stupid of her it was to say that, while some Americans are not fond of Muslim countries i really doubt that they would package snakes in Kellogg's brand Coco Puffs with the intention of hurting frightened little Arab boys. How would they make money? and there are many foreigners who live here I really don't think Americans would want to hurt their own people, that made me doubt her words even more.
She even warned us about wearing American brand jeans because apparently if you get them wet they turn your legs blue, poisoning you slowly.
The saddest thing about her ridiculous notions are the fact that they are the only words she has ever imparted to us that have stuck with me, i don't think i'll ever forget them. i think years from now i'll find myself doubled over laughing telling my kids about the time my Junior-high school teacher told us that wearing jeans is poisonous and tattoo your legs blue.


Hobo's and Subways:

I notice that whenever i put my headphones on and sing it sounds like a load of crazy muttering especially if it's a fast paced song. if you picture me standing in the subways a sheila wrapped around my head gauchely, covering both my hair and my headphones, bobbing to the beat of the music singing Umbrella by Rihanna, I am 100% percent sure to look crazy. sometimes i think to myself how fun it would be to act that crazy i could even bang my purse against the walls and chase people around as they scream about me being a terrorist and apart of al qaida or some other Muslim Terrorist group and i'd wonder how they'd come to that conclusion as i chase after them singing
"under my umbrella ella ella ella eh eh eh"


FAG Middle East:

Every time my family goes to the mall we always drive past this shop called FAG Middle East. now when i was young and naive this oddly named shop had no affect on me at all, but now I'm older, wiser, certainly smart enough to look up the meaning of fag in the dictionary, which is:
fag |føg| |fag|
noun informal chiefly offensive
a male homosexual.

I don't want to have to tell you how wrong it is to see the words Fag and Middle-East combined. I used to think it was some kind of used car shop, but as soon as i learnt what Fag meant i didn't know what to think anymore.
what do they sell? is fag supposed to stand for something? who ever thought "Hey i have a great idea i'll make a shop, place it in the middle of a religious country and i'll call it FAG Middle-East and we'll sell shoes! "?
actually I have no idea what they do and i don't want to, it'll ruin the illusion if i did find out. sometimes i wonder how people associated with this special shop feel

Employee: " Hello, my name is (insert name here) and i am a faithful employee of FAG Middle-East."
Customer: "Hello, my name is (insert name here) and i am sure to become a regular customer at FAG Middle-East."
Employee: "Will you need to start a tab?"
Customer: " Boy-howdy!"

I would hate for a store that hilarious to think of to be affected to be the recession, i hope that store will always be successful.


MeOWS:

If you ever owned a cat. you would never proclaim that it is yours or that it belongs to you. why? because cats OWN you. and not the other way around. I am one of those people. my cats are always in the process of ordering me around. when you walk past they'll run up to your legs where either you end up tripping on them or accidentally kicking them. if you do kick them they wisely decide to punish you.
so half an hour later your spraying Iodine on your scratched up legs muttering cuss words loudly and hoping no children hear you.